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Developing Healthy Boundaries
What is a boundary? A healthy boundary is a space around yourself that gives you a sense of security and safety. Physical boundaries exist: you won’t let someone push, punch, kick or hit you (unless you have unhealthy boundaries). Emotional boundaries are important, too. For example, you won’t let people insult you, call you names, or tell you to where to go if you have healthy boundaries. Mental boundaries also exist; mentally healthy boundaries involve knowing that you have the freedom to express your opinions and thoughts without being ridiculed or judged.
Healthy boundaries are important because they give you a clear sense of who you are. You know which emotions, thoughts, opinions, and feelings are yours when you have healthy boundaries. You can differentiate between yours and someone else’s feelings and opinions with a clear sense of yourself.
Healthy boundaries help you determine what you will and will not do.
How do you set healthy boundaries? Be honest with yourself. Figure out what you really, truly think and feel. Before you can express your true thoughts to others, you need to admit them to yourself. Figure out the difference between wanting love because you’re insecure and lonely, or wanting love because it’s a healthy expression of maturity and self.
Sometimes we find it difficult to blend our desire to help/connect with others; with the need to establish boundaries. This difficulty is because we don't see saying "No" to requests that violate our boundaries, as healthy.
Tips to saying "No":
1. Don’t rush to answer a request.
2. Determine if you really want to fulfill the request or if you’re feeling guilty if you don’t.
3. Once you’ve decided, give the answer promptly. The longer you wait, the more uncomfortable it feels for both parties.
4. “My answer is no,” is a complete response. It can be said with kindness, or followed by a “but thank you for asking me.”
Boundaries are set to enhance relationships, to promote serenity, and to ensure that the process of self-growth continues. Our right to set healthy boundaries carries with it the responsibility for us to clearly communicate our boundaries to those persons closest to us who may be affected by my boundaries.
Sources: http://behavioural-psychology.suite101.com/article.cfm/setting_healthy_boundaries & healthyplace.com/Communities/Relationships/serendipity/topics/topic004.htm
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